Currently Playing Be Not Nobody By Vanessa Carlton see related

- Paradise

God, I'm SO sick of people convincing me to rely on them then leaving me hanging when i need them most. It seems like it just ALWAYS happens even with the people I care most about.

Ariel stopped being my friend. Bleh. I don't even freaking care anymore

Right now I'm pissed at Abe, who's my boyfriend now (monogomy...JOY), because I called him, and for once in my LIFE i could talk to him and he CAN'T TALK...plus i really needed to talk to him because all this shit is going around and i'm so sick of it and i am just so happy when i talk to him and i feel much better etc. etc. But he wouldn't take twenty minutes away from his fucking video games and everything else to talk to me. So i'm mad. It pisses me off even more that when i could talk to him earlier today, he "WASN'T IN THE MOOD TO TALK" and i'm just so sick of thinking, "hey he'll be there for me this time" and then he's not. That's very annoying.

Joe is ok! His surgery went well...no complications or anything...and he's fine...should be coming down for christmas. (i hope! he'd better) and i have his christmassy present

lol christmanzannakule....Christmas, channukkah, kwanza, and yule. LOL...AWESOME.

Wtf is wassailing? as in the carol, here we come a-wassailing. i have NO idea what that is.

You light me up and then i fall for you

you lay me down and then i call for you

stumbling on reasons that are far and few

i'd let it all come down and then some for you

(chorus) pretty baby don't you leave me

i have been saving smiles for you

pretty baby why can't you see

you're the one that i belong to

i'll be the embrace that keeps you warm

you be the sun that breaks the storm

i'll be alright and i'll sleep sound

as long as you keep coming round

and i know things can't last forever

but there are lessons that you never learn

o just the scent of you it makes me hurt

so how is it you that makes me better?

(chorus)

can you hold me and never let go

when you touch me it is me that you own

pretty baby oh the place that you hold in my heart

would you break it apart again?

pretty baby....

(chorus)

pretty baby, why can't you see?

pretty baby, don't you leave me.

pretty baby, why can't you see?

pretty baby, don't you leave me.

pretty baby, my pretty baby, pretty baby, don't you leave me

That is the song that I wanna sing to Abe someday. Despite how mad i am right now i love him very very much and that song is SO true........Hopefully he feels the same about me. I think he does.

Wow, looking back, I've had a lot of boyfriends.  Five years worth. And when you changed boyfriends every two weeks for a good 2 years straight, had one 6 month relationship early on, another one recently, then a 2 monther, that's a pretty good pile-up. No one will ever mean nearly as much to me as Mike but you know Joe's close and Abe's close...as close as can be. But most of my heart is taken by him and the last bit is reserved for everyone else. No wonder i'm such a bitch to most people. That's kinda funny

I'm not sure why i did this entry. I need to ramble. I could've called Abe...oh wait, no i couldn't have. (growl)

I'm out for now. Nothing better to say.

I miss Mikey.

Currently Playing Fearless By Keri Noble see related

- A dream about you

GAH I AM LOOSING MY MIND!

Again.

I want a shirt that says, "This is My Clone." nyeah.

Weekly schedule:

Monday- School, crew until 5:30, PYT at 6:30 to 9:00

Tuesday- School, GSA to 4:00, Crew until 5:30, Abe for dinner

Wednesday- School, Challenge to 4:00, crew to 5:30, Haven at 7:00 to 9:00

Thursday- School, Dress Rehearsal

Friday- School, Crew, Opening Night

Saturday- Movies, Aunt Tessie's birthday party, Show at 6:30

Sunday- Show at 1:30, free for the rest of the day.

I.

Have.

No.

Life.

Anymore.

I did come up with a really cool painting idea, though.

Chris and I are over now I'm going out with Abe who i met at Haven (yippie)...found lyrics to Tempus Vernum by Enya and translated them....Basically it's "Therefore" then a bunch of nature words.

Butch Walker's PROMISE----

Well I fumbled for a pencil
And my I'm so sorry pad
And I wrote until I sprained my stupid brain
Well you know that there's a reason I made this up so fast
I though I'd never get a chance to say
What's on my mind, I'm never kind
When my vocabulary's secondary to a bottle of wine

But I promise I can love you
Just like a man
And I promise I can hold you
Like nobody can

I never knew the difference between bullshit and sincere
As long as it sounded good
While coming out
And I can't blame it on my father
He gave me my 1st beer
And he held my head back as I puked it out
What was I saying, there I go playing

The game I know so well
Talking about myself when it should be you

But I promise I can love you
Just like a man
And I promise I can hold you
Like nobody can

Ariel's been ignoring me, basically...it's pissing me off. w/e.

"I looked at my asshole in the mirror today....it blew my fucking mind!" "It's ironic how common body parts that we don't see every day surprise us."

Nyeah...

I'm considering pulling an Austin...Suddenly I understand where he's coming from with all the shit he did. Just with Ariel...Suddenly I can't stand talking to her. Like today, she was told me that she said on friday that she was just WAITING for me to get raped or something, so i'm like, too late bitch but i didn't say THAT....and she's going about constantly calling me permiscuous...I mean, just because she's prude doesn't make me a slut. She keeps saying i'm too trusting of people, citing that  I went to a friend-of Abe's's party on friday and i didn't know the person, but i went because i trusted Abe. Obviously she knows like, nothing about me! God, so stupid. Does she forget about the trust issues and stuff we dealt with in middle school? Jeeze...Ariel knows like nothing about me anymore and i feel like crying when i think about it.

Anyway, she's saying that i trust too easily and i'm like, i don't trust i just take risks, something she knows like, nothing about. Anyway, I had my dad to fall back on and he would have kicked ass and taken names for me if need be, plus Abe said if i wanted to leave we could and that if i was uncomfortable we could and i looked in his eyes when he was saying and he wasn't lying, and he pretended to be my boyfriend for the night to keep anyone from hitting on me...cuz i asked him to and shit and he was totally complient...then at the end of the night we ended up going out. lol....

but yeah, what i'm saying is that Ariel has to learn to trust my judgement and stop criticizing my decisions. It depresses me.

I'm worried about Joe...i hope he feels better. I will update tomorrow, i hope...maybe during Social studies, maybe i'll skip out on lunch. but i'm out of here for now.

Love, luck, and losers.

Dude, I think i really need a life...or a better supervisor. This is like, the umpteenth time i've updated my xanga at school. This is pathetic. really, it is.

I have a minorly crazy week on my hands. Tonight I have stage crew and PYT...though i think i'm blowing off half of PYT because some dancing guy is coming in...and i don't dance the way they're talking. Screw it. Tomorrow we have our SV GSA thing going on....yay! then stage crew....then wednesday CHALLENGE then STAGECREW....then thursday hopefully Joe's coming down....and stage crew....lol.

Can't do much this time...I'll update later.

In school...yet again. I haven't gotten busted for this yet, which surprises me.

Chris is a douche...This is even more official than it was two days ago. GAH! what a douche.

HAVEN is AWESOME! Holy shit it's so freakin' cool....but it was kind of scary going in there...i got hit on by like 4 people at once and it was freaking me out....but it was still awesome. hahahahaha...

Anyway, yeah, Abe and Glory (who I knew from an acting thing a few years ago) and Kim and other people are just awesome....really freaking awesome. The people are really cool.

We have officially started the gay-straight alliance in our school...thank god. This is awesome that it's going....next tuesday man.

I can't go to haven tonight. It sucks at life. Not haven...the fact that i can't go.

Dude, we have stage crew again today until 5:15 thank god my mom can pick me up. I'm gunna ask Abe to come by and visit me because otherwise I'll miss him, lol, i'm such a loser but it's all freakin' good!

C.F. and A.H. will get suspended if the say one more derrogatory thing to us...ahahahahaha...and cited for harrassment...life is good. Mr. Science is COOL again..we skipped in the hall yesterday...it was so freaking funny....YES!!!

Life is good.

Anyway, i'm going to go...i've been caught! update when i get home

hahaha, i'm actually at school, in the computer lab, entertaining myself with my email and xanga. i was attempting to get on AIM express, but even my expertice isn't going to help me, unless i go in and manually change it around....and no one's going to be on anyway.

wow, Megan wrote "Chris Is a Douche" on my hand. hahahahahhahaahhaahha, very funny. Amy is taking me home today!!! YAY!!! freakin' orgasmic! i'm freakin' out. Chris can just meet me at home....i'm fine with that...he should be too.

hey, i have ramen at home....freakin' cool .

haha, douche.

I stole Dan's pants and shirt yesterday....hahahaha....got picture retakes today....AMY'S TAKING ME HOME!!!...we skipped haven last night...grrrrrrr-ness. Hopefully we're going next week. Dude, freakin' seeing the Grudge tomorrow night with eveeeryone.....

awesome...

megan is quoting Napoleon Dynamite....*scared*...the stupidest movie known to man.....or close to it.

everybody thinks I'M freakin' insane...hahahah, silly people.

So yes....we're STILL in the computer lab....i'm growing bored. Maybe i'll go play pakman...

OHMIGODDNESSes....I started dating chris on my birthday, he's AWESOME....more on that later....we're going back to the room.

Ta ta.